Tackling the Block

I should probably start by noting that I don’t believe in writer’s block. I absolutely believe that there may be reasons that a writer doesn’t write, and some of them may be quite valid (as opposed to, say, making up crap to cover the fact that they’re just lazy). After a devastating experience in a writers workshop during my junior year in college, I didn’t write fiction for twenty-five years, apart from a couple of tiny efforts that I quickly abandoned. In my case, it wasn’t a block–it was pure fear, and I knew it. The fear didn’t begin to melt until someone whose writing I admired offered genuine and enthusiastic praise for a story I’d written. Turned out that just as some arrogant, ignorant students could shut me down with their withering comments, someone I respected could lead me back out into the sunshine.

This is not to say that I have a constant flow of confidence and I always find writing easy. I can still get jammed up, unable to come up with anything worth the effort of tapping keys. Like most writers, I have a hard drive full of false starts and outtakes, pieces that seemed to have promise until I grabbed them out of the air, crushed them in my hand, and smashed them onto the page. I expect that many writers have had similar experiences. A story is never so beautiful or perfect as the moment before we begin to put words to it.

Some people say that if you’re stuck—the words won’t come, the idea bank is empty, echoes reverberate in your brain—the answer is to fight through it. Butt in chair, hands on keyboard, and don’t get up until you’ve written. The fact that what you write may be utter dreck is beside the point. Especially if you’re a professional, waiting for inspiration is a luxury. Write the damned story, even if it sucks. You can’t edit a blank page.

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The Gift of Snow

One of the guests at my suet feeders

Today is my mother’s birthday, and we’re having our first real snowfall in two years. Since she never goes outside anymore, she doesn’t really care. I, however, think it’s a fine, fine birthday present, and I hereby accept it on her behalf.

My birthday is more than a month away. In mid-March, we rarely get the gift of snow. More often, it’s a sloppy mix of sleet and freezing rain, with maybe a touch of snow designed to taunt me. In 2007, the infamous wintry mix included enough snow to plow before it turned to all rain. For reasons unknown, the snowplow that barreled over the hill knocked over my mailbox, post and all. To complicate matters, as I tried to back out of my garage to go to the post office, my left front tire got stuck in a rut in the driveway. Because of the slick surface, it took nearly an hour to free my car. When I made my way to the post office to pick up my mail, I was informed that it was on the truck which, of course, would not be able to deliver it since there was now no box. Try back on Monday, they said. Sigh.

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Starting Again . . . and Again

Because miracles happen.

The beginning of the year is a time for starting over. We sweep away old habits, old messes, old goals we didn’t meet, and in their place, we impose new ones. This year, we tell ourselves, this year will be different. This year, we’ll exercise, eat better, work harder, have more self-control. We’ll set goals and then achieve them, whether they’re little goals like losing ten pounds or big ones like selling that book we’ve slaved over for years for a six-figure advance. Of course, the internet is replete with cautionary advice about not trying to do too much, but what does the internet know about dreams?

I published Becoming Mrs. Claus last fall. Those who were reading this blog last winter know that at that point, I never thought it would happen. I was ready to trash that book and work on something, anything else.

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Advent

When my sister was in fourth grade, her teacher assigned the class to interview someone with a list of questions she had prepared. Julie chose my father. One of the questions was, “What do you dislike?” Dad’s answer was prompt and memorable: “Waiting and lumpy gravy.”

I don’t recall ever encountering lumpy gravy, but I do have substantial experience with waiting. Suffice to say, I am my father’s daughter on this issue.

Sometimes, though, the wait time isn’t nearly long enough. Take the holiday season, for example. Traditionally, everything was crammed in to the roughly four-week period between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year, though, I noticed that Christmas preparations seemed to begin as soon as the last trick-or-treaters trooped down the driveway with their bags of candy. My neighbors had had a pair of 12-foot tall skeletons in front of their house since mid-September; within a week of Halloween, the skeletons had been replaced by a giant inflatable snowman and a Santa statue. (The snowman deflates approximately every other day, but they’re vigilant about reinflating it.) It’s as though people decided that they want more time to get ready for the holidays so they don’t have to fret about delayed packages and sandwiching holiday obligations between regular ones.

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Boop

Ned

It’s been a curious few days.

If you’d asked a week ago, I’d have said my sweet Ned would likely be gone by now. Not only is this not the case (thank you, God!), but he seems . . . brighter.

I can’t explain it, but I’ve known this cat for more than fourteen years, and I know what I see.

For instance, on Monday, I picked Ned up and walked over to the window. The carcass of a stink bug is caught in the screen. (It was alive on Sunday, as was the much larger insect on the exterior window frame. Apparently, the big guy had himself a snack, leaving a husk with legs stuck in my screen.) As soon as I stopped beside the window, Ned perked up, his attention fixed on the dead bug. After a few seconds, he began surveying the backyard. It was the most alert I’ve seen him in days.

On Tuesday, as I was working, Ned came to the office door and mewed for a treat. He did this all summer, often multiple times throughout the afternoon, but he’d pretty much stopped in the past few weeks. He did it again on Wednesday afternoon. Obviously, both times, I immediately stopped work and took him to the kitchen for a Squeeze-Up, his favorite treat (and one he can eat). On Tuesday, he ate half; on Wednesday, he ate nearly an entire one.

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Blessing Ned

Ned – July 29, 2023

TW: cancer, impending death

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Ned went to church today.

It’s not often that you see a cat in church. In fact, I don’t recall ever seeing one. Certainly none of my cats ever set a paw inside a church before today. The closest any of them came was last year, when Ned attended the Blessing of the Animals, held to celebrate the feast of St. Francis of Assisi, and that was held outside, on the church’s front lawn.

For weeks, I’d been thinking about bringing him to the Blessing for what will be his last time. You see, Ned has cancer. In the spring, he was diagnosed with lymphoma in his stomach. He started chemotherapy at the beginning of June, and he responded beautifully. By the end of August, he’d gone from 7.5 lbs. to 9.1. His appetite was strong, and everything seemed to be headed in the right direction. It was a very good summer.

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The Second Book

Coming on November 15, 2023: my second novel

As of this writing, I’ve read Amy Tan’s essay, “Angst and the Second Book,” at least twenty times. I’ve referred people to it. I’ve quoted it. I’ve underscored passages (and I’m not casual when it comes to writing in books).

Right now, this essay resonates in my soul.

Because on November 15, 2023–less than two months from today–I shall release my Second Book.

Technically, it’s my third book. My second book was a novella entitled, My Brother, Romeo (Tuxedo Cat Press, 2021), which was issued only as an ebook. That release was a deliberate choice. I’d published my debut novel, State v. Claus (Tuxedo Cat Press, 2020), a year earlier. I wanted to build up my backlist, and I knew the sequel to State v. Claus wouldn’t be ready for a 2021 release since, among other things, I hadn’t yet written it. So I published My Brother, Romeo to fill the gap.

My upcoming book, Becoming Mrs. Claus, is my second novel. Like State v. Claus, it will be published in paperback as well as ebook. In my heart, it’s my Second Book.

And even though my marvelous beta readers and my amazing editor have been enormously encouraging, and although some lovely authors have already said wonderful things about Becoming Mrs. Claus, the fact that it’s my Second Book terrifies me.

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Catching My Breath

Charlotte and Danny

Sure, there’s a boatload of work to do. Billable work, administrative work (such as sending bills, which is the happiest part of billable work), book work (editing), other book work (back cover copy), still more book work (including sending advance reader copies (ARCs) to authors who have generously agreed to blurb), housework, yard work (I literally have not weeded any of the gardens all summer), and errands.

This past weekend, I did practically none of it.

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Herding Cats

Relaxing on the hotel’s king-sized bed. October, 2017

As one who has lived with cats for nearly thirty years, I know all too well what it means to say that something is “like herding cats.” (For those unfamiliar with the expression, it means that you’re trying to gather and organize disparate items/events/personalities and it seems that each has a mind of its own and wishes to go off in a different direction.) Even when you love the cats dearly, as I do, herding them can sometimes drive you a little bit nuts.

An apt corollary would be “like indie publishing.”

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Draft 3.5

Olivia, editor-in-chief of Tuxedo Cat Press, feels it is her duty to oversee my work

Turns out that when it comes to keeping my hands off the manuscript, I kinda suck at it.

It probably didn’t help that last week, three major projects that were on my schedule all went away. (None were my fault—cases settled or were withdrawn by a party.) Then, when I opened my emails Monday morning, I discovered that the only remaining project on my desk was on hold, which meant I had literally no billable work.

Which, in turn, meant I had two choices. 1. Panic. 2. Take advantage of this unexpected free time to work on something else.

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